“Courage is knowing what not to fear.”
—Plato
Picture this— you meet your report for your regular one-on-one. In your mind, this report is incredibly talented, and you can't see a ceiling to her potential. Her contributions have helped your enablement team scale revenues efficiently, but more importantly, establish long-lasting, trusted relationships with key customers in your industry. As you walk in the room, you can't wait to celebrate her consistent performance, and excited to work with her to 10X her efforts.
Now, let's take her point of view. Imagine she just got the disappointing news that one of her hottest customer deals fell apart— something she thought would undoubtedly be a 'done deal.' Furthermore, she was very confident that she incorporated that account into her performance forecast— which you received. As she walks into the room, she barely has had time to process what happened and is aware that she needs to bring it to your attention. She knows she must tell you and is fearful that you might lose trust with her word.
As she walks into the room, her heart-rate elevates, her palms sweat, and her eyes dilate slightly. In her mind, your response to the news she is about to deliver means you are a potential threat to her psychological safety. Within her frame of mind, you could, at any moment, transform into a lion and eat her!
Question: How likely is she able to assess the deal, learn from it, and even propose a recovery plan? Unlikely. How likely will she be in a state to strategize how to 10X her performance? Unlikely. Because planning, strategizing, and problem-solving are all executive functions— the part of our brain responsible for this is the prefrontal cortex.
The prefrontal cortex is a bit of brain tissue that sits right behind your forehead. It is responsible for executive function: acquiring knowledge, planning complex cognitive behavior, decision-making, personality expression. In the situation described, your report has limited access to the prefrontal cortex as her reptile brain has fired off alert signals, getting ready to either fight, flight, or flee!
Quick recap: human beings don’t have just one brain. We have four, including the reptile brain, mammalian brain, neo-cortex, and our prefrontal cortex. The oldest brain we have is the reptile brain. We share this brain with all creatures on this planet. The reptile brain controls the body’s vital functions such as heart rate, breathing, and body temperature. Its purpose is survival and continued survival. You may have heard of the following representation called the 4 F’s:
Flight.
Fight.
Freeze.
Fornicate.
The main driver for the reptile brain is fear. The reptile brain does not distinguish between what is real or imaginary. The reptile brain will think they are real if you send a series of sounds and pictures to it. If you are watching JAWS at the theater, your heart rate will suddenly elevate when the shark darts towards you from the screen. That doesn't seem logical since you are sitting in the theater, and there is no water around you— your reptile brain cannot make this distinction.
Fear expresses itself in numerous ways. Fear is not a bad thing— fear is necessary. Especially when the fears are rational. Imagine you are crossing a road during peak hour traffic— no dedicated crossings— where would your attention be? Most of your attention would be on avoiding traffic. If it is your first time doing this, your heart rate will spike, your palms sweat, and your mind on hyper-alert— this is appropriate.
The challenge is when we have an irrational fear. In the situation we just described, you have no intention to transform into a man-eating lion to devour your report— that’s simply not true. If anything, you intended to be helpful and supportive. However, your report's psyche is firing off a warning signal, "This person could turn into a predator now!! Alert! Alert! Alert!"
Irrational fears in the workplace inhibit productivity, creativity, and effective communication. When human beings experience excessive fear, stress, anxiety, and overwhelm — they inhibit their prefrontal cortex function. So, in this post, we will:
Unveil the anatomy of fear, and specifically how to identify your (and others’) unique fear responses.
Provide a frame to help you recognize if fear is rational, irrational, appropriate, or inappropriate.
Teach you how to uncover the underlying assumptions behind those fears—for yourself and others in your team.
Enable you to reframe and shift those limiting assumptions, especially if they are outdated and inappropriate for the specific.
In practicing what we share in this post, you will be able to:
Understand how you and others respond to fear, and how to shift from fear to a more resourceful state.
Work with your team members and their unique responses to stress, overwhelm, fear, and uncertainty— minimizing fear-responses and maximizing growth.
Develop your team's ability to help one another manage responses to fear and move into more resourceful states.
I: The Anatomy of Fear
The human body's autonomic nervous system (ANS) acts largely unconsciously and regulates bodily functions, such as the heart rate, digestion, respiratory rate, pupillary response, urination, and sexual arousal. There are two main components of the ANS:
The parasympathetic system— responsible for rest and digest.
The sympathetic nervous system— responsible for our fight, flight, and freeze responses.
The sympathetic nervous system directs the body's rapid involuntary response to dangerous or stressful situations. When we are in a state of perceived threat, regardless of whether it is a real physical threat or an imagined threat to safety— the sympathetic nervous system is activated. After the threat is gone, it takes between 20 to 60 minutes for the body to return to its pre-arousal levels! That’s a lot of time when you think about the average, productive work-day!
Some general physiological observations when a human being is in a fear-based state:
Increased heart-rate.
Higher blood pressure.
Sweat.
Muscular tension.
— in our observation, these show up differently for people depending on whether they are in a fight, flight, or flee mode. If you want to explore how they show up for you, read on.
1: Fight Mode
When someone is in fight mode, that does not necessarily mean they are physically engaging with another person, being, or object— the behaviors aren’t always visible. A more general definition for fight mode is as follows:
“The instinctive response to increase activity— mental and physical— in an attempt to become the dominant controlling variable in the system.”
The physiological indicators of fight mode include:
Rapid breathing.
Trembling muscles.
Increased redness/blood flow in the face.
Upper-chest breathing versus diaphragmatic breathing.
This can be expressed in several ways (but not limited to):
Obsessive accumulation of information, knowledge, and details so that you can control the situation.
Refusal to take instruction, help, or guidance from another individual in the team trying to help (siloed behavior).
A sudden reflex to check-in on everyone else, micromanage their work, and in some cases, simply telling them to perform ill-thought-out activities just to gain the experience of control.
Talking over everyone without listening or giving a chance to others to have a say.
2: Flight Mode
When someone is in flight mode, that does not necessarily mean they are physically running away. A more general definition for fight mode is as follows:
“The instinctive response to remove oneself as a probable target of a threat.”
The physiological indicators of flight mode include:
Increased muscle tension.
The compulsion to leave the physical vicinity of the threat.
Avoidance of interpersonal contact.
This can be expressed in several ways (but not limited to):
General avoidance of interpersonal contact, whether in-person, over a digital communication channel, or over the phone.
The compulsion to find any excuse to leave the vicinity of the threat. For example, going to the restroom frequently, taking an unplanned walk out of the office, prioritizing, and completing non-critical activities to distract oneself from the threat.
A deliberate reduction in engagement, debate, or feedback in team meetings— this helps one remain invisible and unnoticed.
3: Freeze Mode
A general definition for freeze mode is as follows:
“No capability to flee or fight—> system error—> shutdown.”
The physiological indicators of freeze mode include:
Holding of the breath/shallow breathing.
Less blood flow in the face (paleness).
Sudden auditory silence or lack of movement.
*Disassociation— moving the locus of one’s attention from being in one’s body to anywhere else except the body.
This can be expressed in several ways (but not limited to):
They might suddenly stare blankly into the abyss, without any attention to what others are saying to them, or the presence of others in their vicinity.
A physical inability to engage in work— only able to sit at one’s desk or lie down.
The hearing of words communicated, but an inability to process their meaning and respond accordingly.
II: Assess the Unique Underlying Drivers
We once coached a VP of Engineering from South-East Asia— he belonged to a small native tribe with only 3000 members living today. His technical talent and work ethic was amazing— he could effectively do the work of three full-time engineers, and he could identify problematic nuances ahead of time.
However, even though his abilities could save the company lots of heartaches, he often wouldn’t speak up in leadership meetings to disagree with ambitious timelines or strategies. Even though he knew it would be good for the team and the company— he would freeze.
What was going on? We will unpack that in just a moment. We must first review the basics of how the human brain works.
The human brain is an association, meaning-making machine. We make meaning every day about everything— for better or worse. The meaning we make about our sensory-observations— what we perceive using our five senses: visual (seeing), auditory (hearing), kinesthetic (feeling), olfactory (smelling), gustatory (tasting) — governs our experience of a situation and how we respond. And, these meanings we assign typically happen at the speed of thought— unless we consciously take a breath, reflect on the information presented, and analyze our internal thoughts. First, you must be aware of two types of information:
1: Sensory Information
Sensory information is information your brain collects from your five senses (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory, gustatory), giving you information about the world around you. For example, you might see green trees, hear birds singing, feel the cool breeze on your skin, smell morning dew, and taste coffee on your breakfast table. In the specific example with the VP of Engineering, his situation can be described as:
“I am sitting in a meeting with other leaders, and as they present the plan, key activities, and assign a deadline, I have identified three risk areas that need more time to be assessed. I have the thought to speak out, specifically, to the CEO— I look her in the eye, and as soon as I do, I freeze— I have nothing to say, my mind goes blank, and I stop breathing.”
If we are in the room, we can confirm most of this with our five senses. In this case, it would be visual and auditory information. Sensory-based descriptions are typically behaviorally specific— you can take what is written and film a movie scene without needing to fill in too many details.
2: Non-Sensory Information
Non-sensory information is the information we can't confirm with our five senses. For example, if the VP of Engineering were to say:
“The CEO won’t be happy with me if I don’t speak up!”
Or, if he were to say:
“The leadership team thinks I’m negative because all I do is present problems.”
The VP of Engineering is not a mind-reader, and can’t reliably confirm the CEO (and the leadership team’s) sentiment based on sensory information alone— he must make meaning (non-sensory interpretations) about that information.
Typically, non-sensory information is generated by the meaning we assign to sensory information. Therefore, we must assess the landscape of our ‘internal thoughts’ to discover it. It is also this information that governs our experience of any situation.
Back to the VP of Engineering— as we worked with him to uncover what meaning we were making, it netted down to this statement:
“If I disagree with my seniors, I will be shamed and disowned by my tribe.”
— this was the underlying driver for his fear-based freeze state! Emotionally, being shamed and disowned by the people you belong with is coded as a threat to safety. As soon as this VP of Engineering had the thought to even disagree with a senior figure, his system is instructed to freeze— his system is doing all it can to keep him safe!
(Note: we will unpack how we dissolved the VP of Engineering’s fear state in the following section)
Therefore, to develop awareness about your fears, you can identify the meaning you are making about sensory information. Once you identify the meaning, you can work to change it appropriately.
Here is an exercise you can practice:
Identify an irrational fear response you have had that has hindered a specific set of productive behaviors at work.
What sensory information lets you know to have that fear?
What meaning are you making about that sensory information?
Is that meaning true or appropriate given the specific context?
What new information and awareness is available to you now?
There is no right or wrong answer. However, without being aware of the meaning we make whenever we generate a fear state, we run the risk of operating solely based on assumptions we have formulated from our historical life experience. Put simply: we recreate past fears in the present.
III: Dissolve Irrational Fears
“If I disagree with my seniors, I will be shamed and disowned by my tribe.”
When working with this meaning, or belief, it is useful to understand the context. For this VP of Engineering, he did what all human beings do well— generalize cross-context. For example, when he is in the boardroom with the leadership team, his brain is computing a threat to his safety at home. This is wild! However, in his experience of the world, he may as well have his tribe there in the boardroom ready to deliver his banishment. Therefore, the first step to dissolving irrational fears is to reveal how inappropriately contextualized the fears are.
The second step is to appropriately contextualize them by demonstrating how those fears are useful in their respective contexts. Rather than fighting fear, it is important to give it a proper place in time and space— we call this appropriately contextualizing fear.
For example, many tribes require strict order and organization for survival— especially if they are out in the wild, hunting, navigating the forces of nature, etc. If any member falls out of line, this could be devastating for the tribe!
To make an absurd example of this, imagine a senior of the tribe tells you, “Get away from those trees! They are prone to be hit by lightning in these conditions!” It would probably be a good idea to step away from the trees first, rather than responding with, “I don’t know about that— the probability of that is extremely low— I have a higher chance of dying from mosquitoes!”
(Note: this strict order and organization are helpful if an elder or guide is taking you on an African safari for the first time!)
Now, we could argue that his tribe is outdated, and the times have changed. However, why try to do something you have no control of— as in, convenience and change the beliefs of an entire tribe!?!? Instead, it is more useful to respect the fear, where it came from, and why it was important, and leave it where it belongs— in the past and a different context from work.
In the boardroom, the context is entirely different. The safety and survival of the company require the total opposite of what this gentleman's tribe expects. The VP of Engineering is expected to voice disagreement with his seniors and present the critical engineering risks ahead of time, which would otherwise go unnoticed.
Therefore, we helped this particular client recognize:
There are rules for being at work as a VP of Engineering.
There are rules for being at home as a beloved member of your tribe.
But we weren’t done yet. The next thing we did is understand how those unique rules in different contexts, actually help enrich both contexts. For example, by speaking out and disagreeing professionally at work, he is going to perform better and be rewarded by the company. And, those rewards go directly to supporting his family and tribe. Meanwhile, by being respectful to the tribe’s rules at home, he could maintain harmony within his tribe and focus on his work free of internal conflict.
So, once you identify the irrational fear, run it through this process:
In what context is this fear appropriate and rational?
In what context is this fear inappropriate?
Choose to make new meanings and rules for those specific contexts.
Summing Things Up
Everyone responds differently to fear. There are typically three responses, 1) Fight, 2) Flight, and 3) Freeze. It is helpful to identify how you respond to fear, and just as importantly, how your team members respond.
Fear is not a bad thing— fear is necessary. The fears we want to identify and shift are irrational fears that are based on assumptions, meanings, and beliefs that are often beyond our conscious awareness.
Once you identify an irrational fear— notice what meaning you are making about your situation (sensory-based information). Often, the meaning you are making has been overgeneralized and inappropriately contextualized.
To shift from a fear state to a more resourceful state— give the fears a proper place in time and space. Fears about disobeying authority figures from your past are not appropriate to bring into the present— give them a place in the past without trying to fight them. By giving fears appropriate places, you are more empowered to deal with the present state.