(Authored by Jon Low & Arjun Arora)
'Self-awareness' as a practice is increasingly popular with investors, founders, executives, coaches, and managers. There are many practices that people have adopted to grow increasingly aware of themselves, some of which include:
Meditating.
Yoga practice.
Journaling.
Hiring coaches.
Leadership circles.
Shamanic ceremonies.
One way to grow your self-awareness is to clarify and articulate your core values. Understanding your— and others'— core values can lead to several benefits:
Clearer and more confident decision-making.
Inspired action-taking.
Ease of identifying the right stakeholders you want to partner with— investors, employers, advisors.
Better trust and alignment with people in your life— colleagues, reports, partners, family, and friends.
Greater personal satisfaction and fulfillment.
When our core values are supported and fulfilled, we generally feel inspired, expressed, and energized. When our core values are threatened or challenged, we generally feel aggravated, suppressed, and diminished. Some of our core values will change over time. However, some will stay with you for life. In this post, we cover:
What core values are, specifically.
The distinction between core values and core beliefs (and why this is an important distinction).
A simple, 6-step process to elicit your core values, and more importantly, others' core values.
A simple way to create values-alignment with important people in your life.
What are Core Values?
Core values are representations—things, activities, interactions, and subject-matters— that we deem to be most important in our lives. Our hierarchy of values— most important to least important— determines what we filter for in life, and more importantly, what we use to govern our decision-making processes.
For example, you might place a high value on travel, business, and romantic relationships, while you might assign a lower value on family time, hiking, and photography. If an individual has a high value on business, and they walk into a bookstore, they might drift towards the business section of the store and wonder:
How is this bookstore monetizing (aka: still in business)?
What are people buying?
How much time are people spending in the store?
If an individual has a high value on traveling and they walk into the bookstore, they might drift towards the travel section of the store and wonder:
What are some great places I have yet to visit?
What foreign language is that person next to them using to converse?
Where do these people come from?
The Difference Between Core Values and Core Beliefs
Core values and 'core beliefs' are often used interchangeably. However, there is a distinction to be made. To understand the difference, we must cover a few simple principles about how the human brain works:
First, human beings are experts at generalizing, deleting, and distorting information— this is a convenient way to organize infinitely abundant information so we can function in the world without having to consciously compute and re-compute the world every single moment of our lives. For example, not touching a hot stove because you will get burned— it would be too troublesome to consciously figure that out every instance you are near a hot object. Our brains help us by generalizing that touching hot objects with our bare hands is not a good idea.
Second, the human brain is an association, meaning-making machine. We make meaning every day and about everything. For example, imagine a report or a colleague consistently arrives 30 minutes late to work every day for the next month. We can make many meanings about their behavior:
They aren't committed to the job.
They're meeting recruiters and want to quit.
They are committed to the job so much they work extra hours in the evening to support remote teams.
They are managing their energy so they can perform optimally at work.
The association function of our brain is what helps us generate core beliefs. Core beliefs are generalizations (rules) we assign to relationships between specific experiences, and govern how we behave. For example, core beliefs can include the following definitions:
What is right and what is wrong.
What is good and what is bad.
What is worthy and what is not.
What is functional and what is dysfunctional.
The cause and effect of specific actions.
Some specific examples:
"It is better to take imperfect action than wait for things to be perfect."— there is a comparative relationship between 'take imperfect action' and 'waiting for things to be perfect.'
"Immigrant founders work hard."— there is an equivalent relationship between people who are immigrants and also founders and their behavior: 'working hard.'
"You should give more than you take." — the relationship is based on a modal operator of necessity: 'should give more.'
These core beliefs— often unconscious to us— determine our modus operandi for how we live our lives (our behavior) and interact with the world at large.
Our core values are a specialized subset of beliefs that allow us to filter and prioritize our decision-making— from what is most important to what is least important, and more importantly, what is of no importance. Often, our core values and our core beliefs work hand-in-hand. For example, if you place a high value on relationships, you might very well have the core belief: “People should give more than you take."
Core beliefs can very much be distinct even if two people share similar core values. For example, if you place a high value on relationships, you might very well have the core belief: "You should balance the give and take in a relationship."
Another example: suppose that business building is a core value of yours. You might have the core belief: "To win in business, I must find a way for every (or most) stakeholder to win!" Meanwhile, another person who values business building might have the core belief: "To win, someone else must lose. Period."
Your Hierarchy of Values
The prime objective of human beings is values-fulfillment. You share this life with other people who have unique value systems, and like you, are seeking to fulfill their highest values.
However, when we idolize someone (make ourselves inferior), we typically inject their values at the expense of our own, try to be someone we are not, and often, we end up frustrated and diminished because we are trying to live a fantasy that isn't true to our nature.
On the other hand, if we position ourselves as idols in relationship to others (make ourselves superior), we typically project our values onto others, trying to force them to be someone they are not. When we put ourselves 'above' others, so to speak, we end up feeling lonely, isolated, and without peers.
To live in alignment with our core values— and help others align with theirs— we must respectfully align and build relationships with others in our life without placing ourselves below or above them. In aligning our values, we must be aware not to subordinate to others by injecting their value systems, or, make them subordinate to us by projecting our value system. To do this, we must do a few things:
Find ways to express our values in terms of how it will fulfill theirs.
Ask others to express their values in a way that fulfills our values.
The same thing applies to our relationship with work and the companies we work for (and with):
Find ways to express our values in terms of how they support the company's values.
Ask the company to express its values in a way that fulfills our values.
Simple example: suppose two individuals have differing values, one being business, the other being travel. There are many ways to achieve alignment via effective communication. For example:
Travel-Driven Individual: "Sponsor my travel to these 5 locations in the world next year, and allow me to work remotely. There, I will secure meetings with investors and strategic partners so you can expand your business and secure your global footprint."
Business-Driven Individual: "I understand you speak Spanish and Portuguese. Not sure if you have had the opportunity to spend time in Argentina, Brazil, and Columbia— however, we want to sponsor your working for our company in those countries as we expand our global footprint."
The first step: clarifying your values.
The second step: helping others clarify their values.
While we often share similar values to others, your hierarchy of values is unique. The following questionnaire is designed to help you identify your— and others'— core values. As you complete each section, you will start to notice overlaps in your responses— this is a good sign!
(Note: you can also download the questionnaire)
6 Questions to Determine Your Core Values
I: Your Physical Space
The things you value most, you surround yourself with. As you audit your personal space, what pattern of objects do you notice? Books? Sporting goods? Movies and electronic entertainment systems? Photographs of your family and friends? Souvenirs from your travels?
Furthermore, we have a negative response when someone threatens something that is of value to us. As you notice the objects in your personal space, take note of the items that you keep closely guarded.
What are the 3-5 things that fill your space?
(Eliciting other’s values: what are the 3-5 things that fill their space?)
II: Your Time
You always find time for the things that are important to you. For the things that aren’t, you never seem to have the time. By auditing how we spend our time, we can discover what we truly value. Furthermore, when we are fulfilling our values, we tend to lose track of time. In contrast, whenever we aren’t fulfilling our values, we tend to keep close track of time.
What the top 3-5 things that fill your time?
(Eliciting other’s values: what are the 3-5 things that fill their time?)
III: Your Funds
You always have funds for things that are valuable to you. However, beyond basic safety needs, you are unlikely to invest your funds in things that aren’t valuable to you. Therefore, the way you delegate your funds tells you a great deal about what you value. If you spend your funds on growing your funds, then investing might be one of your values.
What are the top 3-5 ways you spend your funds?
(Eliciting other’s values: what are the top 3-5 ways they spend their funds?)
IV: Your Outer Thoughts
Have you ever spoken to someone passionate about a specific topic? Notice how they could talk about it all day or night and lose track of time. When you are with others, what conversations energize you? What can you talk about for hours on end without feeling tired? In contrast, what sorts of topics and conversations make you tune out?
What the top 3-5 things you love to converse about?
(Eliciting other’s values: what are the top 3-5 things they love to converse about?)
V: Your Inner Thoughts
Whether we are aware of our thoughts or not— our inner, dominant thoughts reveal our values. For the things we value, we continuously think about. For the things we don’t value, we consistently delete or ignore.
What are your 3-5 main dominant inner thoughts?
(Eliciting other’s values: what are their top 3-5 main dominant inner thoughts?)
VI: Your Energy
When our values are supported and fulfilled, we generally feel inspired, expressed, and energized. When you do something that aligned with your values, you typically have more energy at the end of that activity than when you started.
What are the 3-5 activities that energize you?
VII: Bonus Question
Identify something you have wanted to do (or have) for a very long-time, but haven’t. Then, ask yourself, “What have I been doing instead?” For example, you might tell yourself repeatedly, “I want to travel more” but find yourself not traveling because you consistently invest your money in new business opportunities. Therefore, investing is of a higher priority to you than travel.
Synthesizing Your Answers
First, note your answers to the following questions:
What are the 3-5 things that fill your space?
What the top 3-5 things that fill your time?
What are the top 3-5 ways you spend your funds?
What the top 3-5 things you love to talk about or hear about?
What are your 3-5 main dominant inner thoughts?
What are the 3-5 activities that energize you?
Second, tally and identify the 3-5 most popular answers:
Value 1
Value 2
Value 3
Value 4
Value 5
Conclusion: Summing Things Up
Your life demonstrates your values. To clarify your values, audit your external environment (behaviors) and your internal landscape (thoughts and emotions) without judgment— a pattern will reveal itself.
Your life is a unique mix of your values. Think about your values as raw ingredients for making many unique recipes. Everyone puts their values together in a way that makes their life unique. Your core values are neither right or wrong, good or bad— they are simply unique to you.
The prime objective of human beings is values-fulfillment. To stay true to our core values and live a values-aligned life, we must also respectfully align and build relationships with others in our life without placing ourselves below or above them. To do this, we must communicate our values in terms of how it will support their values, and, where appropriate, invite them to do the same for us— this is called values-exchange.